Thursday, January 11, 2007

Rememberence of my dog "Ah Gal".



When i was 14yrs old, We brought a chiwawa dog, in that month of that year, she is only 1 month old. She is very small in size just like any of the handphone size now aday. she is always very sleepy. And when the first time i put her unto my palm, she fell asleep very quickly.

The 1st night that she being with us, i still remember that i put her on top of a pillow for her to rest and sleep. In the middle of the night when i m still sleeping, out of a sudden, i felt something wet n sticky licking my ear. and when i got up and switch on the light of my room i saw my dog happily looking at me with her tail shakening left and right. That was the first time i saw her open her eyes looking at me. With that kind of joy in me, i could't wait to play n sayang her.

There was one night after i came back home from work i m too tired to play or sayang her.
I went straight to bed after my shower. Next morning my mum told me that during in the middle of the night, ah gal craw up to my stomach and sleep on it. Hahaha! how cute she is.

And after many year she always carry a habit that she like to lick my ear to wake me up after she got up in the morning. And sometime i really felt very disturbing by her doing that to me. so i just cover my blanket on my head so that she cant lick my ear any more. And from there i contiune my sweet soundly dream.

years after years, she became older and older.
She have no more strength to jump or to run around my place like she always did during her young time. And whenever she need you to carry her to the sofa, she will sit infront of you n using her front leg to sctrach your leg to get your attention so that you will know that she need you to carry her up to where you sit.

After 14yrs she finally breathe her last on 30th of DEC 2006
11.00pm plus.

Before the death i still remember i bring her plain water to drink and take a few photo on her using my HP in the morning before i went to work.
And after i came home i quickly rush to my room and get myself change cos am meeting my CG member for dinner that night. And before i went off again, i go to her and say "Gal bye bye, i go out liao". And this saying bye bye is really the last bye i said to her before she go....

I can never imagine my dog spending so much of her time with me during her time and just go off like this. My heart is really broken. She is the dog i love the best. All my friends that is close or know me very well, they all know ah gal is the dog i love more then anything else.

Few night has pass, and i actaully found her fer on my bed which makes me really miss her badly. I admit i m not a good owner. before she die i actually told myself that i m going to bring her out of a walk to let her see this world for the last time for i know she is going to die soon....but i didt!!! I m so sorry.... Its so unfair to her. And now everything its too late. But the only thing now i can do is to write this blog here to make myself remember her and to let others know here thru this blog.

I really pray that ah gal now is already in heaven wait for my coming back to her again. Ah gal i love you, you are always my fat little cute dog.


this is the last photo i took from her that morning before i went out for work... Her nick name Fei Fei.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Its another day

Lifes get boring sometime when there is no target, no aim n goals in life. Human are create for a purpose. And the purpose is in Him and Him alone. Without Him, lifes get dark and darker.

Sometime i really wonder life without God, am I going to be a total failure in life?
But one thing for sure is that when a life live without God, lifes get really down. Coz i had found life thru Him and no others else. And thru Him i really understand what human really need in life. They need this thing called LOVE. Loves change a person n motivate others. And only thru His great love people start to change and become more n more cheerful n joyful.

But when a person didt get or receive any love from people, They gets harden and rebellion and ultimately they become emotionaless.

Love is like the sunlight that shine into the ocean. The fishes in the upper part of the ocean get n receive sunlight everyday. And thru the sunlight they became total form and extremly beautiful. But those in the lower part of the ocean, they became deform and looks very ugly.

Who to blame for that? the sun or the fishes in the deep deep ocean for not stepping out of their comfort zone to the upper part of the ocean to get sunlight?

Thanks God i m not a fish. at lest i still have a choice to make to receive love from people or not.

What is the worst kind of thing in human life? Is when something happen to a person or his friends around him, he still can assume that nothing has happen at all. How amazing that is.

That is as good as emotionaless. I've seen many kind of this person in my life and even till now i still met some of those. And they still even can share with me their great vision and dreams in life.....Hahah and the worst thing is that...They are in the same church with me.

Year 2006 is a sucks year for me. and hopefully this year in 2007 will get better n get what i want. I want to live a new lifestyle meet new friends and do thing that i never did before. Nobody can give me a good life as i always wanted. so, i got to do it myself. And i hope to forget everything that had happen in the year 2006.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

3rd day living without her.

Today is the 3rd that i live without Lydia. Days are really down. Last night i sleep with my tear again. I really miss her badly. Dun know when is this going to end.
feeling so lonely without her. i use to called her during lunch time, knock off from work and read her sms when she reach home. but this pass 3 days my handphone is really quite as if like i have no handphone with me. I really miss her alot as i m typing this blog. i really hate myself by cutting everything off from her...

Saturday, July 29, 2006

1 Month before and after.

Hi after 1 month, i m back here again. Thing are diff now compared to 1 month ago. At first i thought everything is going to ended soon but who know God turn everything around. Yes,i m talking about Lydia n me. 1 month ago i thought that we r not going to get together into relationship but only remain as a good fren that can chat n share thing. but 1 month later God begin to show us that we can get together in relationship. and now i m letting go of my horse fully to chase after Lydia and get her to be my future partner. Haha that sound fast, but i m serious. And from this relatioship i know i got to learn more on how to love her better n show her my love n care. Maybe you may ask me that "Khym, r u stress in this relationship?" Let me tell you the answer is YES! infact this is the first time that i got so stress when i got into this relationship with her. But of cuz this is a very good stress for me. coz thru that stress i know i will n i can learn more on how to show her love n care. WOW!! i love this women alot. God, may You be in the center of our relationship. Show us how to love one another more n understand one another more. and thru this relationship i pray that we will love u n know you even much more. Father i pray that we can have a strong relationship between You n us. Father i love U n i praise You with all me heart. AMEN!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Getting Near

Praise the LORD! I m getting near to becoming a leader in the zone now. I may not know when but just felt in my spirit thing r getting near. Hopefully by this end of the year. Got to work more hard now. I want to grow n get more closer to God. and now i'll at least fast 24hr per week. Hahaha God i m coming!! God i pray, i'll be able to get more closer to You every single day. I love You GOD.

Father God in heaven, take away all the pain that i have from the past hurt and renewed of my mind so that i can serve You with a clear mind. Thank You for helping go thru what im going thru now. Yes, i still miss her but God i pray that this will not distract me from doing what i m doing for You. I got to get out of this quickly.
Guard my heart Holy Spirit. I cant live a day without You. But may i always be so sensitive toward You everyday.

Lord, i m so thanksful that i m so sensitive toward Your presence. I really love You with all my heart with all my mind and with all my strength. May Your kingdom come may Your will be done thru me. God You know my heart that i always wanna serve You no matter what happen to me or what come to me. I love You God n i will lead Your sheeps. I know more thing will come but i will always keep my eyes on You.

Never will i fall again n never will i forsake You coz You never forsake me. Never will i look on my left or on my right but i will keep on focus on You. In Jesus mighty name, AMEN!!

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Road


This picture was in my mind during the time when i went thru some relationship thingy with one woman by the name of Kristine 6-8 months ago. (You can refer to the blog title: A Broken Down Day(The Mist Of Darkness). And this same picture came into my mind again recently after the case of Lydia. I dun know how come this picture but i know this picture talks about many ppl when thru this and fall or die(backslide) in there. that why there is alot of skulls laying down The Road. And as you walk by many thing around u will make you feel fearful of thing yet to come. Like the skulls laying around, they are the thing that will distract u from your walk in there. But when u keep on walking toward the light, u will see that God is there waiting to take you out of where you are now. Father i thank You for letting me go thru this again, coz i know thru this i'll put into good use for You in future. And from there You'll strengthen me. In Jesus name, Amen.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

I am a FOOL for CHRIST

I lift up all my life to You, May i be less and You be more in my life, Not by my strength but Yours in me. For YOU i gave up my all, for YOU i live my life to the fullness, for YOU i reach out, for YOU i lay my life down n for YOU i walk righteously coz i am a FOOL for CHRIST.

Father in heaven, everytime as i write tis blog i pray that You saw what i have written in this blog. As You know i always wanna live my life for you. i always trying to find ways to serve You n to know You more. God i ask, Keep me with You, and never let my faith be shaken, everyday let my walk with You so stable n firm n let nothing come to me n bring me down. But always lift me up high n let me shine for You like the sun in the day n the star in the night.

Thru prayer, fasting n read of Your word let me grow to know You more. never let me be tired of do such. but let me grow in understanding, wisdom n knowledge. I will not look to the left or the right but i will focus in what You have commanded me to do so. God as i going thru the 72hrs fast now i pray You give me strength to go thru.
I LOVE YOU GOD. AMEN!

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Moving On

My 48hrs of fasting just ended. Its was great. Thru this 48hr of fasting i felt i get closer to God spiritually. God is good. And i pray as i fast for 72hrs next week, may He strengthen me as i go thru. Father God may all thing that i go thru right now put together for good.

Last night, Lydia, called me n she cried n she tell me that she like me alot and feel alot for me. But in the same time, she also like another guy(her CG member). To be frank, at first i m disappointed in what is happening but i know sometime things like that cant be helped. I really like her alot too... So actually i decide to step out of this so called "challenge".

And now i really pray from the bottom of my heart that she can be with her CG member. not because i wanna be hero or things like that but i seriously think that is better for her to go with her CG memebr. since she already know her CG member for around
1-2yrs. Personaly i really think that it a wonderful thing when you know someone for few years n yet still can fall in love with that person. Its like relationship been tested b4 getting into deeper relationship.

I think its time for me to shift back my focus on God more. And now i got to focus on God even much more. Father in heaven Let Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven today, Thru me! Bring me thru all thing that You have prepare for me. Everytime as i go thru something, in my heart i already know that i can go thru. Coz in Your word it says that "You will NOT let us bear beyond what we cant bear.

Hahah! sometime think back, i was thinking why m i going thru this? Hahaha!
Father God i really love You with all my heart with all my mind n with all my strength. May i decrease more so that You increase in my life.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Thing progressing GREAT!!!

Today i m fasting for 36hr n now i still got 16hrs more! i feel good thru this fasting even though i'm really hungry but i know that i can make it. Recently i felt very convicted by the Holy Spirit to pray n fast more in my daily life. i felt that as i pray n fast more, my walk with Him get closer. Next week i m going to challenge myself to fast for 48hrs. Hahaha! Holy Spirit HERE I COME!!! i love You God! hahaha!!

I really wanna thanks God that my walk with Him now is closer, i believe this is the time to build up my relationship with Him n after that He is going to bring me thru more thing which need to base on my relationship with Him, n to trust Him. This is how we go thru n get thru isn't? Many times many people fell is really because they dun really have a deep relationship with Him, thats y they fall.

Haha During the emerge the presence of God is SO SO SO strong that i can sense Him in a very power way! For few nights i fall under the power of God during worship n during the time when the pastor prophecy. WOW! i tell you, our church is going up to the next level! And God spoke few thing to me also "Through you new thing will comeforth" "Anoint, I have anointed you. Now GO! therefor n bear fruit!" and many thing more.

I felt that im going up to the next level now. The way i see thing, the way i think thing. is so different. God may Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven today. What ever already happen in heaven let it happen on earth thru me, thru my work n my life. Use me Lord for Your will be done. With You i have ALL things but without You, i m nothing.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The way of my thinking

Suddenly, having alot of mix feeling...i wonder why?....Happy, sad, not confident n insecured. Many thing i need to learn. Many thing i need to know. wonder how can i make it, and wonder how can i do it. Sometime really dun know where am i going to.
God pls tel me what is happening to me. God beside you i have found no space for me to give my feeling to. Am i being too emotion? or its normal for me to find a place for me to put my feeling at? God i love serving you coz serving you can make me forget about myself. But God sometime at night like this the feeling that i have over many thing will just come back to me like that. what am i gonna do?... Are You trying to tel me that i got to address all the issue that i have? God if it is that so, pls go thru with me... Indeed God i m dead but You have given me a new self...God i pray let me forget about myself but let others be always in my mind....I will grow n move on God...Amen...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

New season!

Hi!! I am back!... its really been a LONG time that i have not update my blog. Sorry to those who wanna read my blog but all is too old for you to read again. from now onward hopefully i can update my blog at least once a week alright?
On 7th of May 2006 our CG N211 had just multiply to CG N347. that day was fun! i like that kind of feeling that makes me looking forward to multiplication again. HAHAHA! Yes lets do it AGAIN!... Now Thank God for rise me up to become a key helper. I knew that this day will come and i got to work on it. But its really not about the name or title, but is really about the faith, heart, attitude, serving n willingness.
I believe through out these time i might/will get scolded by sis xiaoyun IF i done any mistake or wrong but i see that, that is good coz i know i will learn and grow thru that. But i still wanna pray to God that i will not get scolded by her often (coz no people love to get scolded de ma) So God pls be with me i prayed. Now our Cg (N211) got 18 ppl... Not good... Got to grow! but its still a good number to start with. Will fast n pray more liao. PEOPLE, PLS FAST N PRAY WITH US, WE NEED YOUR PRAYER TOO! Things will not change unless we start praying, fasting and work together in the CG. You wanna multiply again? then lets make things happen again.
N211 can grow de! Friends, you want success? God can give us. When you receive it with FAITH mix with WORK.
Today (8th of May) i got Lydia's msn add. And we chat abit thru it. haha i was so happy. Really wanna thanks God for the contact with her. And just now during 2am plus, she sms me and share with me a bible verse. haha i like it. indeed she is a spiritual women too. That what i want. Hahaha! But i still need time to know her more lah dun get too gan chong with her yet. take it easy n slowly. coz if God really give her to me then God will make sure no other guy can get too close to her hahaha. Its my, is my. If God will, He will. God i lift her up yo Your hand, bless her and strengthen her in every area of her life. I don't know r You going to give her to me anot but let Your will be done thru me also no matter what. I LOVE YOU FATHER. YOU ARE THE FIRST IN MY LIFE. AMEN!

Sunday, November 13, 2005

God's Love Showed In My Life

Hi, Im back. It has been awhile that i didt write. Recently i had been very quite. Many things came into my mind today. Like; Read more books, Plan more for my life, Compose song, create a type of prayer list, Pray to God, worship Him, write a blog and make a few decision. Ya and the decision is set, no one change it unless God ask me to but i know He won't. Today while im on my way back home from security duty, i travel together with one of my security mate. He shared with me that actually i got to serve not only in Cg whole heartedly but in security too. He shared with me many things that i got to do this got to do that but many things im not very agreeded with him, but one things i really agreed with him is that i really got to serve God in as many way as i could not i want. i have decided that i really wanna serve God seriously. Of cos does't mean that in the past i m not serious at all but this time it got to be more serious. I gonna compose song right away. I gonna start be more hard working for God and for myself. God, There is still many thing yet to learn and many thing i don't yet know. So God i prayed that You will help me in growing in my spiritual walk with You. Let the thing that i have learn be put into use. let nothing came to me become a waste but let everything came to me glorfies Your name. Holy Spirit, pls teach me how to know You more, how to serve You more and how to love You more. I need You Holy Spirit. Guide me every step i take every path i make. i break myself so that You can fix me up. God You love me this i know. I really know. You O God didt focus on my mistake or my past sin but You always come to me with Your true love. Everyday and night You come looking for me but i make unavailable to You and turn You away and yet You keep waiting in my room. O how great is Your love. When im in trouble You didt keep Your hand away from me but You stretch out with smile and say; Lets go My son I'll be with you. And You take me around my dismay and show me Your love, letting me understand all the things i go through. Yes is with You i go through. Everything i fail its always fine for You cause You will always say with smile; Try again. You know me, indeed. When i am in times of dismay You are always the first one to know. Nothing can be hidden away from You. O, how great is my God! When no one is there for me, You are there , and You are the first always. Even when i can't feel You but You are still there looking at me. In times of discourage, You draw near to me to comfort me. In times of trial, You let go of me and quitely walk behind me waiting to help me. O, How great is Your love God! God i prayed that my heart will let lose so that You can take it. My heart will be open so that You can fill. Amen! My love for You O Lord will go in deeper and deeper.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Discouraging In My Biz

I don't know what to say to start this blog. I just feel so discourage in my biz... Sometime i really wonder am i going the right path? Or is this biz that im doing now in the will of God? I felt very lost. i felt so lonely in this biz. I don't know what to do now or next. It seem like all my dream go down to the drain...Feel like giving up. But i know that is not the way i do things. I hate to give up things. God show me the way and lead my path O Lord. Emmanuel.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Khym's Revelation

I remember recently i read a phase says that; Sow a thought, reap an act. sow an act, reap a habit. sow a habit, reap a character. sow a character, reap a destiny. And now, my revelation is, between the "sow a thought to reap a destiny" there are still have many stage between them, which mean from the very first day of your thought till your destiny comes, you have to go through many trials and tribulation just to get to your destiny. And each different trials and tribultion has its own different level (e.g: from thought to act and from act to habit.) it never gets easier but instead its harder! And its also takes quite sometime to get to the next level. There are 4 "Sow" (words) in the whole phase which mean from the very first day of your thought to your destiny. You got to keep sowing. The more you sow the more you reap (this is what the bible tell us) and the sow don't just stop at the destiny but instead there are more sow things that you got to do. See, in the english dictionary tell us that the word "Destiny" mean Things that will happen in future. And the Dictionary also tell us that the word "Future" mean Time that is to come. So, the sow things has to be continue as long as there is time.
Father i Thanks You for this revelation that You gave me. And i prayed that this revelation will keep me encourage during my trials and tribulation. Not only that Father, but let the Spirit of God be always with me. i Thank You once again my Father. Holy Spirit i thanks You for being with me. I love You God forever. Amen.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Been Through

It has been quite sometime ago that i had been through my downest time im my whole life. Although it not a very good thing to think about it but it really gave me a very deep impression in my life that i have gone through something like that. Well, i personally think that go through something like that in life it still not a bad thing coz it may encourage you to move on futher in life. and when thing happen again in our life then, you may know how to handle it more better isn't? Go through major issue like that, sometime may even make you more stronger in your walk in life.
Why i say "sometime" and not "always"? It actually depends on how you think. If you go through it and move on then its benefits you in you life. But it you go through it and stay where you are then you are just simply let the issue pull you down. and for that i can guarantee you that YOU ARE GOING NO WHERE. Of cause its also good for you to think back on what you had been through sometime. I mean im so glad that God had put me through this test in life so that i can be stronger and be use by Him in this area to minister to others. At first while im going through this issue in my life i ask God why m i going through things like that? But now i know. You know this feeling is not like after going through thing then i forget everything but its much more like an adventure in my life that really gave me a very deep impression.
But one thing i can say, after things like that happen, my life is never been the same again. Dear Father in heaven, i thank You for putting me through this test in my life. indeed after this test i have become more and more stronger than before. Praise to Your holy name. God i put my life in Your hand, use me and lead me God i asked. Amen.

Monday, October 24, 2005

Khym's Dreams (Khym's email to xiaoyun)

Hi Xiaoyun,

Recently i had a very weird dream. For 4 days i dream about kristine for 4 days (include today (23th Oct 05.)) i dun know wat it means but i really feel fearful when every night i get into sleep. Yes in times i still miss her but the miss is not that kind like i still love her that why i miss her but is that kind that i still take her as my friend.

But in the dream i always dream is that she is with me (as my galfriend).
And when every morning after i woke up from my bed i will always start thinking of her on why we end up this way. Ya i still feel very sad to end our friendship this way. Even sometime i will still think about how is she now?.
Sigh... i really wonder how is she now.

Recently i really grow much with the Holy Spirit. i felt very close with Him in my quite time and bible reading. Its like i start to learn how to be open to Him and how to led by Him. Its amazing. I start to have delight in my prayer time again, its like everythings its so alive.

Xiaoyun when i was still very young i used to stay at Aljunied. And now the place which i use to stay are now a flat ground. And the day b4 yesterday i told noel that in future i wish to buy the land so that i can build my house there and when i finish saying this i felt that the Holy Spirit say a big loud YES! to me... I mean, i was so shock and i tel noel wat i felt after that.
I mean, after Holy spirit say a loud yes, i felt that in my spirit i receive the land through the Holy Spirit. WOW. actually on the first place i was only just tell my self that i wish to have that land by knowing in my heart that i may not have it because i know its way to ex for me to pay such an amt. Wow! its so amazing. I really dun know wat its gonna happen next.And now this things has became one of my dream. Praise The Lord!!! Amen!

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Everything Has Change Now.

My relationship (Friendship) with Kristine is totally broken now...We're no long called friends now. Seem like she had already taken me as a person that she hated.
Its all because of a thing called money. Indeed money can destroy friendship but of cause its see how you use it or see it. I don't know but it seem like she treat money more importantly then a friend. Yes, she see it this way. 2 months ago we are still very happy and we enjoyed each other accompany but now, evenything has change.
Its really very sad to lost a friend esp a friend that you know him or her for a very very long time. Yes, i knew her since i was only 6yrs. after lost contact with her when i was 8yrs that year i keep looking for her again but i could'nt find her Until 2 months ago i finally met her again through my ex-company. I was so excited that i really could'nt believe that i found her. And from that day onward we happyly continue our friendship. Yesterday on 11th Oct 2005 she make a police report that against me because my ex-company have not re-fund her the money yet. She want me to bear the whole responsibility on that and i really felt very disappointed. I mean are we not a very good friend? What happen? Is that the only way to deal this issue? What happen between us? A very good friend turn to be enemy, i really don't understand why and how? She had leave me no choice but to stop treating her as my friend or someone i love. Did you have this kind of exp before?
From a good friend and someone you love turn to become like your enemy. God i thank you for everything that im going through right now. Recently i really went through alot of things but God i know i gonna be even stronger. Praise to Your name. Amen.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Khym's email to Bro Gabriel and Xiaoyun

Hi Bro gabriel and Xiaoyun,

Im not sure is it ok for me to write to the both of you together? Im not trying to save time but what i want is to let you Bro gabriel and xiaoyun know the same thing about recently what im going through. This msg might be a very long msg so pls bear with me.

Recently im really not doing well in my life and also my walk with God.
after the incident (fall in love) with the girl Kristine im still in the mist of getting my life and path right with God. But some how i getting more and more worst and my life now is like falling all the way down to the bottomless pit. in times i really feel like giving up but i know i just cant. Life without God is really blank and lost, is actually worst then dieing a 1000 times on earth then live a day without Him.

You know even till now i still miss her alot. even the things that we(me and her) did before like going supermarket, going to toa payoh,bishan, amk and watching tv. when i do it alone at home or happen to do it i will start missing her out of the sudden. Even when i saw little gal in church or on tv i will also miss her. And now because of im too busy to spent time with her, she told me 2 days ago that she want to be a distance friend to me and the worst is that she deleted my contacts. Thats really breaks my heart.

I dont know. I tear many times because of her. im so emotion, so stupid, I begain to hate myself. i hate myself the way i do things the way im right now.
Just so stupid.

Yes im stepping down now in CG as i expected. No, i don't matter the stepping down or up But its the way i do things. It actually reflect y i step down. i deserve it. Im so useless.

Sometime i was thinking am i Doing what God want me to do or am i just fulfilling what xiaoyun want me to do. I feel so heavy in my life its like i cant move on.

Sorry Bro gabriel and xiaoyun all those things that i have mention above are my negative thought which is how i feel now. In the past i always cover my negative thought by putting positive word. but when i came to realise just now on 9-Oct-05 in the train i know i was wrong all the way. instead of getting off of the negative thought, im actually cover it with positive word and hopping one day the negative thought will gone by it self. But the true is when alway i get back to myself, all the negative is back again. and i actually didt shared much to others about this thought i have is because i dont wanna face it.

But just now in the train i came to realise this is what i should do to put off the negative thought. 1st is to acknowledge it by knowing in your heart that you do have negative thought. 2nd is to face it which i always dont want to. 3rd is to deal with it with positive thought and lastly act upon the positive thought that you knew you can change it... Thanks God for those thinking. I believe its not came from me but from Him. i actually like the verse in the bible talks about a man that fall 7 times and when he get back he will be 7 times anointed then b4.

Now i felt that the more i fall the more i felt challenge by the Lord to walk with Him more closely and strongly this time. I will try my best to rise up again and change the way i do thing. i will. i will. Even if i fall again, i will try again. until i master the try again without falling..

Dear heavenly Father, I pray that i will not know anything until i learn how to lean on Your knowledge, understanding and wisdom. Amen!

A strong member
Khym

Friday, October 07, 2005

Khym's Email To Kristine

Dear Gal,

Today after you mention about becoming a distance friend, actually i was really very affected by that msg. And after that you also mention about you have delete my contact in the msn, Wow my heart really drop off. You say distance friend but it seem like not even a friend at all...I really don't know what have i done that i deserve things like that.

You told me that we are only friend then if we are only friend why cant i do my own things? Why must i be so detail in my own life and relationship that i have even with other people? Its because i don't wanna get my life mess up again.

I've nearly mess up my whole life 1 month ago and now im still trying very hard to get my self back on track again. thats why after you told me that we cant be together, in the same night i know that i have to make a decision to draw a line between you and me so that i wont go any further.

To be frank with you. Yes i still have feeling for you, i still like you alot everyday and night i just cant stop thinking of you even thing that we did before for the past few week, i will still miss you when i did it again myself like watching channel 10,11,12 at home or going to supermarket buy things, going to toa payoh, bishan and amk even when i saw a little gal i will also think about you. I just don't know how to explain this feeling to you.

Im not trying to let you understand how much i love you but i wanna let you know is that i think my love for you is too deep before we get together thats why i got to pull it out now before its get any deeper or further by making myself busy in my own things and not to meet you too much.

Sometime im also very confuse in our relationship by the way you treat me. like you sms me that you miss me when you didt see me for a day. All those sms really confused me...Gal can you tell me what actually happen? Even sometime i felt neglect by you.

Gal, personally what i felt is im really very happy to know you in my life or i can say, to have you back in my life. its really so wonderful and beautiful moment when i think about it. Even till now i still feel very beautiful. And after i gone thru so many things for the past few weeks the tears that flow out from my eyes is countless. And sometime i hope that the things that i go thru will be a dream and sometime in the same time i hope that it will not be a dream.

Yes if it is a dream, it will be a very beautiful dream but why i sometime wish that it wont be a dream is because without you in this dream then its nothing to me but the fact is you are in it. and when you are in it how will i let this beautiful dream be a dream? Gal i don't wish to lose you.

Yes this is all what i kept in my heart for quite sometime that i didt tell you. Thank you gal for enter into my life to brighten some area of my life. i really appreciate a person like you that brings in tears and joy in my life. Remember the story i told you in one of the email that i had sent to you before saying about my life is like a bus and im the bus driver? Yes i will stop and let you alight if you really want to. I pray very hard that you wont but if you really choose that, i wont force you.

Much Love
Baby.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Missing Someone That I Should't

Hi Im back. Ya, im missing someone that i should't again. yes, is her, Kristine.
If you asked me why are you missing her again? i can only tell you i don't know. I really don't know. Esp when i didt see her and heard from her this few days. i kinda miss her. Wondering what she is doing now. I believe now she is at Taiwan enjoying the night life there. and only a person like me still awake at this time sitting down here writting blog about missing her at this time... Haha so silly. Actually i just wanna know is she feeling happy now or how is she now. I can strongly say that i will not want to be together with her now but i dare not say that i have totally forget about the feeling i have toward her in the past and now. Actually i still dont have the total understanding about her life and her character yet. Even i as her friend i also didt feel secure in our friendship. What i can say is that she is too close up to let me undersatnd her and know her more. Maybe it takes more time for me and for her to share. But what ever it is i just pray that she will be more happyer after coming back from Taiwan. May God's blessing be upon her day and night and her heart will be soften by the Holy Spirit with a touch from heaven. Dear heavenly Father, I thank You for this time of writting. I Pray that You will bless the person who is reading my blog now. They are here to read my blog is because they concern about me. They're not only concern about me but also the walk that im with You my God. For they know me and they read my blog to understand my needs And we know You and we wanna understand You and Your will. Father tell us more things which we don't know, make us understand You more which we need because we want to do Your will. Let Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give me the daily bread which i need and forgive me my Father as i forgives others. In Jesus name i pray, Amen.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Best Friend Ever Had (Introducing)



Today i m going to introduce about 2 of a few person who really matters in my life. Yes its Mark and Noel. Both of them are really my brothers in my life, They care for me, think for me and they are with me no matter what. I know mark from church since i was 20yrs and eventually we are not very close until one day he told me say that he is going to oversea to study for 2yrs and at first i was like "OH! its ok no pro for me" but after a few days later i also dun know why we became more closes and we start to meet up just to have lunch, dinner together and even we share alot of things in our life so from there we start to know each other more. When one day he fly off to oversea i start to miss him as my bro. Ya indeed he is my great bro in christ. I really Thank God for this bro He give to me and now we are in the same CG not only that we are in the same group working together. I know Noel from NS since i was 18yrs. In our coy he is our "Baby MG Gunner" why i say Baby MG is because in our coy 2 of our MG Gunner are all tall and big size but noel is like small BUT fit, in fact he is the fittest in all 3 MG gunner. I can get so close to him is also because he is a very fun loving and easy going person. and even after we ORD from NS we are still very close and now he is also one of my best bro in my life. Many people thought that the both of us came from the same famliy maybe is because we look alike but im more handsome isn't? hahahaha! God i really wanna thank You for this 2 brother that You have given to me. God i prayed that the three of us will get more and more closes to one another. May You oh God use the three of us to do mighty work for You as we always have the desire to serve You more. Yes my Father in heaven use the three of us. In the Lord's name Jesus i pray. AMEN!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

Khym's Thoughts

Recently things didt go in the way i expect. Yes she called me again and chat with me. She look for me and wanna ask me to go out with her. And i did. But this time im more on guard of myself. yes of cause i still have feeling for her but i know that we really cant be together. Right now im feeling happy and sad in the same time. Happy is because i m going to get over soon and sad is because i cant be with someone i love. If you ask me "Khym do you still miss her?" the only answer i have is "YES!" i still miss her badly in times and when i start to miss her i will miss about the way she look, the way she smile and the way she laugh, even the way she look when she was young. Yes i still remember her look when she was young. when she was young she gave me a kind of feeling is like she is innocent, cute, sweet and very lovely. Hahaha of cause i dun mean that she is bad gal now but of cause she had changed alot. I know she went through alot. sometime i was wondering what she really treat me as? a friend? a person that she likes? a person that can be used? or a person that she can depend on? many thing i still dun really know from her. and many thing she yet to tell me. sometime she will also like "will you spend more time with me? I need you." but in other time she will also like "Hey come on we are only friend". I dun even know what she really want from me. But what i only can do now is to stay back and pray for her. Her appeared in my life really challenge my faith toward God not only that but also moulded my trust and faith to God. Through this time of testing its really makes me realise how much i love God and how much i need Him. Yes i need God in every area of my life. i cant live a day without Him and without Him im really lost. I just hate the way that im lost the way that i get more emotion. Yes i tear alot through out this whole thing. My heart is broken but now mend and it still mend. Now i can only let my love for her dies. God i got to focus on You now and the things i have. i leave everything up to Your hand. I repent for all the things that i have done, everythings in my life i give unto You for better or worst i'll put my trust in You and love You forever. And i shall praise You and worship You alone and forever. Now there is nothing in my life does not belongs to You all things in my life belongs to You and its Yours. Its all Your. Amen.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Khym's Feeling

My mind is full of her now. the way she smile at me, the way she look at me. i felt so helpless so useless. is like gone. i dun know why my love for her go so deep. no she didt hurt me but i myself is the one that hurt myself unknowingly. Yes love someone is sweet but is hurting also. She say this before "relationship game is not for her anymore because she felt that she has already over it". Yes is not for me neither because im always in the hurting side. i dun know i didt have this kind of feeling before even in the past i did have gf before but the feeling that i have now is the first time. after wat she had told me this afternoon i felt that my life have reach a changing point. yes a point that i got to drag myself through because i know everything is over but im still in. the things that she say this afternoon cut off every hope that i have in her thats y before i get out she have cut off. yes i didt prepare myself at all. that y im still in but i got to put my self out of it. no i didt blame her at all coz i understand she got to protect herself.she have no wrong at all to cut off the line. it just that it caught me unprepare. God am i useless? why i can love a women so deep but i cant love You so deep? did i really love You? God You know my heart? did the love i have for You consider love You? Father i repent for disobeying You and the love i have for You is not enough. Father pls forgive me... i had let myself fall into love with a non-christian. i had open the window for the temptation to enter my life. Father pls heal my heart now. yes im weak in this area of my life. God You have made me to be a person of very relational type but the strong point i have became also a very weak point for me. im going down a very tall mountain in my life. that y it take time for me to go down. but i know after every mountain i go down the next will be up again. i feel like going out to a very open space like in the wildeness of africa to take a deep fresh air and lie down on the grass. wow feel so free...and give a great shout to wake all the animal up. hahaha thats fun.

Khym's Prayer

Dear God, Finally, its time for me to get out of the down time. Yes this afternoon(9th sep 2005) she actually told me that we can never be together. Cause she felt that she cant trust any guys not even me... God my heart is hurt again... I don't know wat i can do now. Im lost... at first i thought that we might still have the chance to get together but this time it seem impossible. God actually now i felt very alonely yes i know that You are with me but somehow i still feel very empty. God actually many time when im happy i also dun know who to share my joy with beside You and when im down i also dun know who can i shared my heart with. Yes i have many friend but its seem like i dun have. God is it everyone is going through the same thing as me that when a person is happy or sad they dun really have a friend to shard with? But God i have this pro since i was 16yr. Yes i go through alot and through out this time i have make alot of church friend but not even one that i can really shared my heart with. God am i not accountable enough to my leader? Father, from the first day that i met her till now my life is in the mess. from the first day she shared with me many thing in her life and from there i can see that she had gone through alot that why she became what she is right now but deep in my heart i know that she needs somebody to relied on. And from that very moment i tell myself that never i will let anybody to hurt her again. Even though i didt tel her on the spot but i had decided on the spot. God i still remember one day she asked me this "If one day i became paralyse will you still take care of me?" actually in my heart i answer that question very quickly YES! i said. not even giving a second thought. And when i got home i kept thinking of this question will i really take care of her even she became paralyse? and again my heart answer very quickly YES!. And yes i will really take care of her and make her as happy as i can. i even thought of a way to make her communicate with me through some check list that will ask her daily regarding her mood everyday. so that from there i can know what she need or want everyday even she cant speak yet. Yes im really very foolish when i go deep into it. But i really care for her and i really dun want people to hurt her any more. Father in heaven pls take care of her where ever she go or what ever she do even though she is a non-believer. i know You love her. I love her too. God i believe you know as much as i do that she is very sweet, pretty ,very obedient and innocent in the past when she was young. she is like a sweet sweet gal to me. but is just because she went through too much thats why she became what she is right now. Of cause i don't mean that she is bad now but i can really see she actually build a very strong wall in front of her so that she can protect herself more. Father again i pray that you will take care of her. Father i really care for her alot. Father in heaven, Holy be Your name, Your kingdom come Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Let her be saved according in Your will let it be done.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

The Reture Of The Khym (Archilles Heel)

There is a story about this soldier. He is a very strong and skillful soldier that in war he can kill many enemys. But one part of his boby is very weak, his heel. Even is the smallers part of his leg but is the weakest part of his life. and one day during war he get shot oh his arm, yes it hurt him alot but he continue to fight against the enemy and in the end he won and capture the enemy to their base. Few months later as he continue go to war to fight. He really kills alot of his enemy and one day he get shot on his heel and he died on the spot. Yes this may not be a true stroy but its a story that tells us to guard our weakest part of our life. Because the soldier didt guard his heel which is the weakest part of his life that why he lost his life just like that. And im like this soldier also. i have gone through alot in life but i always push it through and yes i got through but my archilles heel in my life is relationship. when somebody touches or hurt this part of my life, im gone. But never i will gone but i will guard it. "The Archilles Heel"

Sunday, September 04, 2005

A massy feeling (Alot of feeling)

There is a gal in my life that i really wanted to protect to. I Don't know i just feel like protecting her no matter what will happen, actually i know that is really silly but you know sometime your feeling is weird. You will feel the way how you feel when the feeling come, its hard to say out and even you can find no word to express it out. I'm so bother by the word "RELATIONSHIP"... I don't know recently i have many kind of feeling toward her...Many things in my heart wanted to tell her but i know i cant. I really cant... Why must i go thru this testing in my heart? Why must be her? why must this be include in my life? Why must we met again? why?...How i wish this can be just a dream but somehow i don't wish this to be a dream in the sametime. Yes if this is a dream, it will be a very beautiful dream... its really beautiful to know this woman in my life, but what sad me is because i know we cant be together. Of cause nobody stop us or force me to stop being with her but i knew in my heart both of our life destiny are different. Many feeling have came over me now, it come fast and go fast... i had too much feeling for her, wanting to protect her, take care of her, being with her by her side, help her in whatever way she need, care for her, think for her, guide her and ultimately love her. When i always think about her i alway re-called the way she use to look at me, her smile and her voice, so beautiful. Even when she was young she also look very beautiful and we were like young lover always playing together. Yes if it were to say, my family background is more better then her's, of cause im not trying to say that i have so many kind of feeling for her because she came from a very sad background. Im not trying to be a super hero over her life to say "come be with me so that i can help you in your life" No! i cant help her anything in her background but what i mean is when everytime i think about her past and what she have gone thru so much even though she was still very young, i feel so heart pain because i know all this while she didt been happy before in her life. Maybe the saddess thing in life is when you have a beautiful thing but you can only just stand aside and watch. Many feeling just cant type it out in words.

Friday, September 02, 2005

The Return Of The Khym (Prepareing To Rise Up)

Hi! Im back. Recently It really a adventure for me. In the month of Aug i went through alot of things that really makes me stronger or i can even say it really moulded me to be what God wants me to be. Yes its hard to go through but thanks God, He did it with me and my life really being moulded. Last night when annie prayed for me through the phone she say that actually she start the prayer she saw vision regarding of me, she said that she saw a tree with only few leaf but when she look nearer she saw that the tree star to grow more leaf and the tree is blooming and growing, Wow i thank God for that. And when this morning as i wake up to pray i also had a vision from God its also regarding of me. I saw a cross pinned on the ground and also a dark reddist heart(its not in heart shape) in the middle of the cross with a big nail pin on it, and i saw myself walking toward the cross i actually saw my name in gold on the heart and its said "Khym's Heart" and immediately i know that my old man has been crucify on the cross. And actually when you think carefully this 2 vision that annie and i had it all about character being molded and growth and both of this lead me to change. last month(Aug) i make alot of firm decision and its really causes my heart very pain and hurt because indeed CHANGE is really spell as PAIN. Friends when God come and deal with you or put you into test, PLS never leave Him or even draw back because He wants to put you into use if not He can only put you into shelf. God love me, and He love you too.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

A Broken Down Day(The Beam Of Light)

Finally, thing is getting better now. The cloud of dismay has gone and the light of God is shining on me now. Even though im still going through the time of Broken Down Day but i know i will be going through it. This year August is the month of my birthday and its also the month of testing to me cause i go through alot of things this month but thank God this month is going to end soon and new month is yet to come. I believe new month, new breakthrough, new chapter and new revelation. Indeed God is always with me to bring me through and with His strenght i m able to walk through the Shadow of Valley and the Mist of Darkness. To me every of my days its really like a story in a book and with many chapter in it.I really thank God for it cause He really write the book with many beautiful things. Father God in heaven i thank You for all the good thing in me and the things that You had brought me through. Indeed without You im lost, Father i prayed that You will give me strenght to move on to the next level and do more things for You in CG and in the things You want me to do. Let me be quick to hear from You and obey You, Holy Spirit let me be so close to You so that i can feel You and as You move i will move where ever You go i wanna go. Every darkness in your life there is Beam Of Light.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

A Broken Down Day(The Mist of Darkness)

After many days i still miss her so much. The way that she look and the way that she used to smile at me kept on re-called in my mind, many tears had flow out from my eye till it turn dry. How i wish i can be with her but i know it is impossible because i will never leave God and go for my conviction is strong and my decision has make and there is no way turning back cause my mind is set. Forward is only what i can do be courage is only what i can said and is never do it without prayer. Light has gone and darkness has came all over me, during walking i saw many skull lying on the ground it seem like many had given up half way through. Keep on walking is what i choose and praying one day true will come... God says to me "I will bring you through". Lord let Your light shine upon me so that i can see and walk. Father i Thank You for this day, May Your will be done. Amen!

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

A broken down day (The shadow of valley)

My heart is broken, my spirit is groaning i've come this far and yet still hurting.
billion of plant, billion of tree but the only tree my love could be.
birds can fly, fishs can swim and yet my love for her will never be.
im in love with someone called Kristine but i know we cant be together because she is not even a christian not only that but i knew God didt give her to me so i cant really be with her. And i also know that if i go with her everything that i have right now will be gone Cg ministry, my group in CG, God's promise, God,my business with bro shixiong, even my spiritual life! Everything. Its too much for me to bear for losing it. God has brought me through so much and i've go through it. In times i feel like giving up my faith and go with that gal but i know that is foolishness. Of cause i don't mean that be with kristine is foolish but to give up everything i have and go is foolishness but my heart really love her. Indeed God has put me into a faith test like how He put abraham into a faith test also to give Him up or to give kristine up? but this time if i give up either one, the one will not come back to me anymore. Friend who ever read my blog, if you are in my shoe what will you do? Relationship is the weakes part in my life because im a person that gets emontional very easily and to give up someone in my relationship is a very hard time for me because i know it take very long for me to recover from my moody. Moreover this kristine is not only that i know her from a friend or from any places few yr or few mth ago but she is my childhood friend we are very close when we were still very young. when always i think about her i always re-call that how we having fun in the past and i also very protective toward her...But now it seem like gone. Because yesterday night (15th Aug 2005) when i talk to her through the phone i tell her everything and i also say that i cant be with her because of my commitment in God and when after she heard that she became very upset and wanted to hang up the phone...And from that very moment till now she didt pick up my call anymore not even a reply of sms. God my heart is hurt very hurt, pls God heal me now...pls God...Many tear flow out from my eye during writing this blog.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

The Day Of Challenge From The Lord

I thank my God for challenging me today during worship because i know that when you pass the test, He will bless you more than what you lost amen! Recently something in my heart that i really don't wanna give it away to God and i know i love that thing so much that i don't want to lost it but i know in my heart and mind that the thing will not last for too long or maybe i can say it won't happen at all. The percentage of the thing that won't happen at all is 90% more the it won't last long. Even in my heart i already know that but somehow its really make me consider to disobey God's will.(Pls me too is not a perfect man)But during the worship we sing the song "CRY" and there is a sentence gos like this "My soul cries out for more of You my God My portion and hope i close my eye and feel You near there's nobody else that can take Your place in my heart". And when i sing this sentence God ask me this "Are you only singing for the sake of singing or you really mean it?" When God ask me this question, in my mind i already know that God knows my heart and He knew what i will reply. Then i replyed and said God You know i cant live without You, You know if i choose the thing in my heart it will bring me no good because i had disobey You. After awhile, i crush my heart with tear and said this to God, i have decided to choose You and give up the thing that i want in my heart. I really love the thing in my heart, i really want it, i really really love it its way beyond explaination. actually i notice that i love that thing more then God but how can a thing compare with my God that loves me so much? but somehow i really give up and choose God. then God asked this again "Who you choose?" Then i replyed yes God i have decided to choose You. and He said "will you put Me first in your life?" and i replyed again "Yes You are the first in my life, there is NOBODY eles that can take Your place in my heart". When after i said this my heart really broken with pain and sadness, because i knew i had give up something that i never wanted to give up but in the same time i knew that i have choose the correct path. Then God says this to me again "I know you love Me and now i will touch you with the love of Mine" after when God says this my tear keep running down from my chin and the presence of God came so strongly upon me and makes me feel so light(its really like the feeling of floating.)God i thank you for everything that You have brought me through. Father i have faith in You. Amen!

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Very Amazing Day

Praise the Lord! Today i have found back my very long lost friend by the name of kristine. We are very close when we were in the age of 6yr(if im not wrong)we use to hang around together near my Aljunied old house. But after i shift my house to tampines we lost contact.Actually when after i shifted my house i start to miss her and my that "old house". i miss the smell of my old house and i miss how we use to play with each other. Indeed when i saw her on 12th Aug 2005 i have a very close feeling that even now we are still very close, but i didt talk much that day and she is the one that keeps talking. As many of you know that actually i'm NOT a very quite person but i just don't know why when i saw her i just can't speak anything out and my mind stop. Actually i know in my heart that i just wanna kept slient and look at her i think is because i really did't see her for a very LONG LONG time(If im not wrong is 15yrs). Its really feel very good when you found your long lost friend because they will be the one that will helps you to re-call the happy and sad thing in the past, of cause don't dwell into it but enjoy over it, for God is a God of NOW not PAST. At 1st i thought that i will never had a chance to meet up with her again but who knows that God bring us together again as a "Close new friend". Actually everything start from here: On the day of 10th Aug 2005 when i was in my office working and almost knocking off soon and when i walk pass her flyers which is in my office i decided to pick up one of her flyer to start reading in what the flyer says and after i have finish reading her flyers, i happen to mention out her name(which is printed on the flyer) "GUO MING ZHU" then out of a sudden i stop for awhile and its like the time stop as i stop. i was thinking about that name, its very familiar then its like my mind went back to 15yrs ago to search for this name and i got it. I finish re-call this name, not only her name but her brother's name "GUO LAI FU" then when i look closely to the flyer with her photo then i know its really her but i tell myself "before i go any further i got to asked her 1st, but how should i ask? if i call her then its really very weird" then in the end i decided to email through my personal email. After i sent her the email, she reply in that same hour saying that she indeed have a bro by the name of guo lai fu when after i saw that mail im full of joy in my heart cause i knew that i have found my long lost friend. When after i reply back that email regarding about asking her to re-call me and my name, she replyed the next day excitingly that she remembered my name and she also add me into her MSN and from there we start to chat till we meet up each other. Thank God for her. PRAISE TO THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Today's Encounter

Today is a fruitful day for me why? Because i have revelation after revelation in my bible study. Bro Bobby actaully shared this, "Faith without work is really dead". Actually i have heard this for many time but this time i really caught the meaning of it. You can have faith but if you didt work with it, its mean NOTHING. Having faith is one thing and work with faith is another things.So pls don't let your faith died. Sometime when God speak to you of something, you may not understand or you think that its impossible, is because you are looking the view from your side but when you start looking from the view of God side you will start to realise that God will turn the IMPOSSIBLE to I M POSSIBLE. You see when God split the Red sea and the Jorden river its actually equal to God split the I and the word M from the POSSIBLE so that His will be done. Mistake must be learned no matter you are in good mode or bad mode happy day or sad day young age or old age, never stop learning. Because when you stop learning, you are actually stopping God to teach you or reveal to you what He need you to learn and what He need you to know, in another word don't limit yourself because God is a unlimitted God. Hallelujah! I believe with God our business will do well because when i have faith it will activate my imagination and when i imagine it, its like what the bible says that "when you see it you will have it" Father God i thank You for this time and this day that You have given to me. O Lord i pray that You will teach me and lead me to Your will in our business and also let Your will be done through my life. God come and take control of our business for You are the Boss in this business.Let Your kingdom come Your will be done in the name of Jesus, Amen!

Monday, August 08, 2005

Last Night of Festival Of Praise.

Finally today is the last day of F.O.P. And the band of "Hill Song" and "Delirious?"
is back to their place tomorrow(i believe). Actually i really like the band "Delirious?" alot cause i really like Martine(The singer) voice, the way they play guitar, their songs and its also because they look very cool. So actually i felt very sad that i cant see them any more, even if we gonna see them again it will be very long time later. Actually they are the 1st band in my life that really capture my heart also but of cause God is the 1st and He only i will give my life. Today Pastor Collin from UK shared something that really very powerful. He shared that once he when to a country with a young boy name "Harry" they actually decided to go to visit a village with full of voodoo and there is a man in that village who is a voodoo chief. And harry actually had a dream from God when they are in that country. He dream that God give Harry a word for the voodoo chief and the word is "tell the voodoo chief to repent and confess that Jesus Christ is the LORD our God if not, the voodoo chief gonna die" and when Harry tell pst Collin about it,and the pst got a shock! and when the pst and Harry went to that village then Harry walk stright to the voodoo chief and tell him what God tells Harry. and when the voodoo chief heard that, he start to tremble and fall to his knee and repent and confess Jesus is the LORD. isn't that powerful? God really is a living God.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

2nd Night of Festival Of Praise.

Hi i'm back again. Today is another tiring day for me is because i stand through the whole day and night from 4.30pm-11pm but i really thank God for the strength to serve him as yesterday i also reach home quite late. And i wll be serving again today (7th of Aug 2005) from 8am-11pm. I know it will be very very tired but i also know as i continue to serve Him and take care of His household He will also take care of my household. Actually if compare to pastor kong what i m doing now is just a nuts. As you know that pastor kong really do alot and serve alot in his ministry, and yet he always wanted to do even much more. Ok well i got to go now as later got to wake up very early to go indoor studium to do my duty but before i put a stop here why not lets do a prayer. Dear heavenly Father, i thank you for today that You have given to me. Father i pray that You will strengthen me as i m going to do my duty later and i also pray that You will also strengthen all the staff, leader, pastors and those who serve You in this FOP and 16th Anni. And i ask that as we praise and worship You later in the morning, let Your presence be there to touch every heart. May Your will be done Your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. I love You and praise forever. In Jesus name i pray, Amen!. Good night.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

1st Night of Festival Of Praise.

Today is a very tiring day for me. Because after my work i straight away rush to Kallang Indoor Studium for my security duty as today is "Festival Of Praise" a big day for our church. And in that event there is two famous band in christian World today. one is named "Hill Song" and the other name don't know how to spell. Both of their song is very very nice they are really very anointed band in the world today. As they sing, the presence of God really fall upon that indoor studium and i can sense that the presence its very strong. And today during the preaching of the word by a UK pastor, i learn something from him. He actually says this "once there is a pastor walking back to his hotel room after coming back from a meeting he saw a drunkend man walking toward him, then when he reach the pastor the drunkend man vomit in front of that pastor and then the pastor quickly walk away with his heart saying "how disgusting it was". When after he says that in his heart, God spoke to him and say "The only difference between that man and you is only Me". When after the preacher from UK says this, this word really hit my heart through and through and in that very moment my mind flew out and think about my past that how i use to reject others, laugh at others and talk bad about others. When my mind came back to myself my eyes is already fill with tears and says this to God "God I thank you that before people start to reject me, laugh at me and talk bad about me You have already change me". Friends, Those who read my blog, when you really came to a point that you really dislike that person or more worst u hate that person pls forgive that person and pray for him or her and ask God to fill you with His love. This word really hit my heart, How about you?

Friday, August 05, 2005

Getting Started


Hi,

This is the 1st time in my life that i'm using blog. Amazing huh?... The reason why i'm using blog is because that i want to record down what i did in my past, what i have learn in my daily life and also pray that through my life encounter that i am going to share here will bless or encourage people who are reading my blog. 1st of all i wanna thanks my God for the change of life, indeed without Him i am nothing and no where to go. God has truly change my life from a old man to a new man from a no body to some body. Of cause in that season of changing, i went through alot of ups and down and even in times i felt like giving up. But thanks to my God that He never give up on me even when i feel very discourage and dosen't want to move on. And truly right now after the small part of changing in my life He start to review what He has promise me 2yrs ago and i know through this i have more things yet to go through. You know one thing? When sometime God speak to you something that regarding about your life, He make sure you will change and when that day that you receive the promise from God then that is the day that you got to make a firm decision in your life to choose to do it or leave it. If you choose to do it then you got to be prepare for the down in the process of change but He will make sure you go through it. If you leave it then you have just lost a opportunity.